Painfully Predictable

I've been avoiding this post for a while now. There are some things in life that, when they happen, you just need some time to process what's going on - in your brain in and in your heart. Now that I'm a Rangers fan*, it's a little bit easier to write about the ultimate demise of the Minnesota Twins. A brief recap of what happened during the American League Divisional Series between the Twins and the Fucking Yankees:


Game #1. Home Field Advantage?


Through 5 innings, the Twins were leading 3-0 over the Yankees. The fans were feeling great. Maybe we've got it in us this year, we thought. Maybe things will be different this time. These Yankees aren't looking so hot. We've got 'em right where we want them. The thing about playing the Yankees is that I'll never be comfortable with a 3 run lead in the 9th inning with 2 outs. And for good reason, mind you. The Yankees came back in the 6th inning and scored 4 runs. The Twins put in some good effort in the bottom of the 6th and tied it up 4-4. Okay, we're still in this. We've just got to hold them.


Don't get me started about Jim Thome being hit by a pitch by Sabathia in the 2nd inning. Should there have been retaliation? I don't know. Maybe. Do I think there should have been retaliation? Absolutely. I don't even care if Sabathia didn't do it on purpose. Send those jackholes a message. "No one hits J.T. and gets away with it." 


Moving on, the Yankees put two more runs on the board in the top of the 7th when my *favorite* reliever, Jesse Crain took the mound. This guy pitched .1 innings, giving up 3 hits and 2 runs. How are you not playing in Japan by now? And not just Jesse, but the good 'ol boy, J. Mauer - a pathetic 1 for 5 night. Am I being punk'd? It certainly felt like I was.


Needless to say, the final score was 6-4 Yankees. F that.


Game #2. Crap


We came out with an early one run lead this time, but the truth is that an early lead never matters against a team that cheats*. Pavano pitched his face off, but allowed 4 runs. What was the hardest part of this game? Knowing that the series was over when the Twins lost this game. While it was a nice fantasy, I think most Twins fans pretty much knew that, even though it was possible, the Twins wouldn't go in and win two games in New York. Home field advantage aside, we were outplayed. You know what would've been nice? A bases clearing double. 0 for 3 with runners in scoring position? Gimme a break. 


Dear Hunter Wendelstedt,


You are my least favorite Hunter. Shut up.


Love,
me


P.S. See below

You really enjoyed this a little too much, Hunter

Game #3. D-Day


Remember when the Twins clinched the AL Central? That was a beautiful day/night. Everyone was excited. All that was left to find out was who the Twins would take on in the post season. Would it be the Yankees or the Rays? People were worried about playing the Yankees because of our pathetic, horrible, agonizing history of failure when playing them in the post season. These fears were not without merit, and I hate to write that. Baseball is an intricate game, where anything can happen. Calls go either way at crucial times and everyone has an opinion. Is there a serious mental block that happens to the Twins when they play the Yankees? Maybe. Is there a serious block of some sort when the Twins play in the post season? Absolutely. Sure, we get to the playoffs a lot, but we haven't gotten past the ALDS since 2002. That's painful for everyone who cheers for these guys. That's probably painful for the players, too. The difference is that they get paid even when they lose. All I get is a shit load of text messages from Yankee fans that make me want to either a). push them off a bridge; or b). throw myself off a bridge. 


You may have noticed my recap of game three hasn't at all recapped the game. That's because it's still too painful. We lost, okay? That's all there really is to say. A few other things are things I can only show:

The Thome Shift continues in game 161 against Toronto

These guys are weird and I hate them

The good thing about the 2010 season is that the pain is over. The Rangers and Yankees are tied 1-1 in the ALCS, which goes to show - the Yankess can be beat. All you need is Cliff Lee and Josh Hamilton. You know- a Cy Young Award winning pitcher and a hard-hitting outfielder. I remember when we had those kinds of players... 

What do we need to remember about this season? There are a handful of things:

1. Target Field really is stunning. It's amazing that we don't have to play in a football stadium anymore. Anyone who was able to visit Target Field this year knows how incredible it feels. Each time I went, I had to remind myself to dress for the weather since I wasn't going to be watching climate controlled baseball. 

Wally's still in action

Watching fireworks at Target Field

The most beautiful sight of the summer

2. We did, after all, win the American League Central Division. We went from 1st to 3rd, to 2nd and back to 1st. It was a long battle to end in 1st place this year. Obviously, not nearly as nerve wracking as the last 2 seasons. Maybe it's just me, but being in first place (alone) after game 162 felt a little weird. Good, but weird. 

3. Although I inaccurately predicted that Justin Morneau was busy knocking up his wife while out with his concussion, I was right that he knocked her up. When I wrote about him knocking her up, I had no idea that she was nearly 9 months pregnant at the time. The good news is that baby Evelyn was born on Sept. 23, 2010 - coincidentally 9 days after I accused him of spending too much time horizontally. 

4. We are for sure going to win the World Series in 2011. We just needed to break in Target Field before really going on a tear. 

* = Sort of true/Not true

PuntOptimistic

Nick Punto, you stole my heart

Do you think the Twins will re-sign Punto? I can't imagine life without him. . . the way he is our #2 cheerleader? Gimme a break! We can't let this guy go. With Redmond in tow, we'll always have our cheering section, but Nicky really has a way of slapping teammates on the butt that just can't be replaced.


As a free agent, does Nick Punto stand a chance to get picked up by another team, or would he be destined to play in Japan with Lew Ford? Let's assume Punto gets a new contract. There is still one very important question that remains unanswered for the 2009 season. Which Nick Punto will show up at Spring Training? Nick Punto of 2006/2008, or Nick Punto of 2007? We can't afford the latter.

(courtesy of bat-girl.com)

OR

(courtesy of aarongleeman.com)

Meanwhile, can we talk about Mike Lamb being Punto's father?




It is uncanny. Okay, maybe I'm the only one who sees it, but trust me, it's there. The only thing missing from Mike Lamb is enthusiasm. Nick Punto would love to start a basketball team for guys under 6'0. Speaking of which. . . what ever happened to Fun Facts at Twins games? Can anyone answer this for me? Seriously, a couple of years ago, I had all sorts of random information about the Twins players. Now; nothing. In the 2007 season I learned that Michael Cuddyer likes to bowl, but I haven't seen anything pop up on that big screen since.

Fun Facts throughout the years:

Joe Mauer: Struck out only once during his high school career

Torii Hunter: Really misses his family when he's on the road (is that fun?)

Jason Bartlett: Loves Chipotle

Justin Morneau: Has the #33 tattooed on his shoulder; first car had some weird nickname that I can't remember

Michael Cuddyer: Plays cribbage before games, great magician, loves to bowl

Luis Castillo (or maybe it was Tony Batista): If not for baseball, probably would've gone into teaching

Those are all the facts I remember right now.

It was reported (by the dramatic Jim Souhan) that at Spring Training 2008 Michael Cuddyer handed out t-shirts reading "162 Plus," indicating that he would like to play at least a one game playoff after the regular 162 games of the season. When you're making up a slogan for a t-shirt, you have to anticipate that possible 1 game playoff and act accordingly. Cuddles got exactly 162 + 1 games.

I will make some resolutions for the 2009 Minnesota Twins right now:

1. Bring back the fun facts
2. Don't lose 1-0 against the White Sox; it's embarrassing for all of us
3. 163+