Behind the Diamond, Joe Nathan

(Duck, Duck, Gray Duck with Joe Nathan)

Now, it's time for a look behind the diamond with Joe Nathan.

Joe Nathan is arguably the best closer in baseball right now. Sure, K-Rod may have set some record this year, but guess who's good every year? J. Nathan. Twitchy, itchy, horse blowing, hat adjusting, uncomfortable Joe Nathan. He is the pitcher I love and hate to watch in action. You want to get behind him with 100% confidence, but he does his best to make you think he's having an anxiety attack. In turn, my heart skips beats when you're on the mound, Joe. It is a horribly wonderful experience to watch you.

Let's explore deeper:

Joseph Michael Nathan
D.O.B.: 11/22/1974
Birthplace: Houston, TX
Height: 6'4
Weight: 225lbs.
Bats/Throws: R/R
MLB Debut: 4/21/1999

Here are your stats for 2005-2007

Year	Team	W	L	ERA	G	GS	CG	SHO	SV	SVO	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO
2005	MIN	7	4	2.70	69	0	0	0	43	48	70.0	46	22	21	5	22	94
2006	MIN	7	0	1.58	64	0	0	0	36	38	68.1	38	12	12	3	16	95
2007	MIN	4	2	1.88	68	0	0	0	37	41	71.2	54	15	15	4	19	77

Here are the 2008 stats:

	W	L	ERA	G	GS	CG	SHO	SV	SVO	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO
2008	1	2	1.33	68	0	0	0	39	45	67.2	43	13	10	5	18	74

Negative: After serious examination, I've noticed that your strikeouts have gone down considerably, Joe. I'm not terribly concerned, because you're still getting the job done. I'd like to see a few more saves next year, but I realize that this isn't always in your control. Here's what you can control, though: in 2006 you had 2 blown saves, in 2007, you had 4 blown saves, and this year, you blew 6 saves. Let's not continue with adding two blown saves every year. Another thing I've noticed is that you don't fare nearly as well in non-save situations. Maybe you could just pretend they're all save situations from now on, because they are in my head.

Positive: Holy ERA! This is why I love you, Joe. You go out there, you get the job done and you take no prisoners. Meanwhile, your WHIP is less than 1 on the year. I'm impressed, J. N. You've really shown that the contract we signed you for was worth it (not that I doubted it for a second). You've got the world saying, "Mariano who?" "Fransisco what?" "Papelbon? Is that a French dessert?"

Negative: Check the attitude, Joe.

Positive: True story.

I'm looking forward to many more years of twitching.

Behind the Diamond, Joe Mauer

(Chillaxin')

Oh, Joe! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. . .

1. Your patience at the plate boggles minds everywhere
2. Your impeccable sideburns cause jealousy among men
3. Your insistence that I only fly Sun Country is inspiring
4. Your batting average is mesmerizing

Still, Joe, we need to talk. . .

Joseph Patrick Mauer
DOB: 4/19/1983
Birthplace: St. Paul, MN
Height: 6'5
Weight: 230lbs
Bats/Throws: L/R
MLB Debut: 4/5/2004

Here are your stats from 2005-2007

Year	Team	G	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	TB	BB	SO	SB	CS	OBP	SLG	AVG
2005	MIN	131	489	61	144	26	2	9	55	201	61	64	13	1	.372	.411	.294
2006	MIN	140	521	86	181	36	4	13	84	264	79	54	8	3	.429	.507	.347
2007	MIN	109	406	62	119	27	3	7	60	173	57	51	7	1	.382	.426	.293

Here are the stats from this 2008 season

	G	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	TB	BB	SO	SB	CS	OBP	SLG	AVG
2008	146	536	98	176	31	4	9	85	242	84	50	1	1	.413	.451	.328

First of all, great job on the average. Not quite the 2006 magnitude, but great nonetheless. I am always impressed with your ability to take a walk. . . it's as good as a hit, as long as J. Morneau is doing his job and not grounding into a double play. I think everyone would appreciate if you talked to him and told him, "Hey buddy, it's okay to take a pitch." As for you, Mr. Mauer, let's consider stealing a base from time to time. I know you value your knees (and believe me, I do too), but it's time, Joe.

The roar of the crowd is palpable when your name is announced in the Dome. Imagine how it would increase if you stole a base so you didn't get to 2nd on a fielder's choice. Don't get me wrong, Joey. . . you're the batting champ. Perhaps I'm not the one to give you advice. In fact, it's quite obvious that I'm probably not, but I think you should pay attention anyway. You're amazing at what you do, and I'd just like to suggest some improvements. 1st, the base stealing. 2nd, I'd like to hear some better music when you come to the plate. That's it, Joe. Those are my suggestions.

Furthermore, I'd like to praise you on your strikeouts this year. 50 strikeouts in 546 at bats? That's unprecidented. Let's compare this stat to other players in the big leagues:

Joe Mauer: 50 SO in 546 AB
Torii Hunter: 108 SO in 551 AB
Josh Hamilton: 126 SO in 624 AB
Alex Rodriguez: 117 SO in 510 AB
Lance Berkman: 108 SO in 554 AB

In conclusion, here's what I'm looking for from you in 2009, J. Mauer:

Positive: Steal it, Joe!!!

Negative: That's gross, Joe.

Hometown hero, we love you so.

Behind the Diamond, Justin Morneau

(I'll be YOUR MVP any day, Justin)

Since the playoffs are pretty much not worth watching anymore, mostly because I don't really care who wins, it's time to focus on our Minnesota Twins and what they should work on in their down time this fall/winter. Today, we will start with Mr. Morneau.

Justin Ernest Morneau:
DOB: 5/15/1981
Birthplace: New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada
Height: 6'4
Weight: 230
Bats/Throws: L/R
MLB Debut: 6/10/2003

Year	Team	G	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	TB	BB	SO	SB	CS	OBP	SLG	AVG
2005	MIN	141	490	62	117	23	4	22	79	214	44	94	0	2	.304	.437	.239
2006	MIN	157	592	97	190	37	1	34	130	331	53	93	3	3	.375	.559	.321
2007	MIN	157	590	84	160	31	3	31	111	290	64	91	1	1	.343	.492	.271

Let's Consider those stats compared to the stats from 2008

	G	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	TB	BB	SO	SB	CS	OBP	SLG	AVG
2008	163	623	97	187	47	4	23	129	311	76	85	0	1	.374	.499	.300

Clearly, he hasn't done bad for himself.

Positives: He played in every game this year. That's something, huh? Not to mention, a .300 batting average isn't too shabby. Also, 76 BB and 85 SO. That's respectable.

Negatives: 0 stolen bases in 1 attempt. You're faster than that, J. Morneau. 23 HR? This will not cut it if you are to be our biggest home run hitter. I'll need to see more of that next season, Justin. I'm serious.

Positive: Let's bring that back

Negative: You're responsible for this

In conclusion, I miss the Justin I used to know. . . the Canadian man who hit walk-offs against the CHW. Come back to me, please.

Great News For Mauer

Dear J. Mauer,

I'll be here to back you up for another season.

Love,
Mike Redmond

We picked up the option for Redmond. This is wonderful as far as I'm concerned. I know I previously wrote that Nick Punto is our #2 cheerleader, and I think we can all agree that Redmond taught him all he knows.

Glad you'll be back, Red

This is Where the Horse Kicked Me

I miss you, Torii, even though you diss the Metrodome.

Part One

It gets better:

Part Two

Not done yet:

Part Three

And finally:

Part Four

Do you think he would've stayed if we'd supplied Ludacris? *sigh* Even if you don't know it, you'll always be my secret husband, T. Hunt.

Karma

One thing about karma is that it knows when it's time for you to lose. Sorry* Chicago; it was just your time.

Meanwhile, the nicest thing ever said (or thought) by the gracious and eloquent White Sox Manager, Ozzie Guillen:

(From the Strib):

“They played better than us. There’s no doubt. They pitched better. They execute better. They got big hits,” Chicago manager Ozzie Guillen said. “They really did a tremendous job.”

~AND~ Who saw this coming? (Also from the Strib):

“It’s good for baseball for a team like Tampa to win,” White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf said. “It’s too bad they had to beat us, but it’s good for the game.”

Wow. I must say that I am surprised. Do you think it's possible that there were people in the hallway who beat Ozzie and Jerry, shoved them in lockers, stole their clothes and went out to do interviews posing as them? I'm not willing to rule this out.

It was previously thought that this was the only way to keep Ozzie from making a fool of himself:




Let's just say I'm still skeptical that rational, nice words came out of this man's mouth.

In conclusion, and in response to the White Sox being knocked out of the playoffs by the Rays. . . TAKE THAT, A.J.! In your face!

*Not Really

Vote Now, Vote Often

Justin Morneau is up for Clutch Performer of the Year

Vote Here

Joe Nathan is up for DHL Delivery Man of the Year

Vote now

White Sox 5, Tampa Bay 3

This is what I wish had happened today:



Dear A.J.,

I don't like you. I didn't like you even when you played for the good guys (see: Minnesota Twins). When you were on our team, I only tolerated you.

Here's why you suck:

1. Trying to spike J. Morneau last year
2. Pretending to throw a foul ball to a kid in the stands and then laughing and throwing it to the dugout
3. You dyed your hair the worst color blond in history
4. 2005's playoffs where you pretended you were safe at 1st
5. Even my mom doesn't like you and she likes almost everyone

In conclusion, while you might be playing on a team with the "nicest guy in baseball" (see: Jim Thome), I still hope you get punched by James Shields. I'm sure Mr. Nice Guy will carry you off the field.

Post Season

What do you suppose the Twins players are doing right now?

Let's consider the options:

Justin Morneau:

1. Hanging out with Krista (aka future Mrs. Justin Morneau)

2. Excitedly watching hockey
3. Playing truth or dare with BFF J. Mauer


Michael Cuddyer:
1. Ruing the day he tagged up and ran on Griffey's arm
2. Practicing magic tricks
3. Showing off his dimples to someone, somewhere

Nick Punto:

1. Playing some short-man basketball

2. Practicing throwing mid-air

3. Fighting crime




Matt Guerrier:
1. Solving mysteries
2. Dodging calls from Bill Smith
3. Napping




Joe Mauer:
1. Doing more voice-over ads for Sun Country
2. Practicing with his Quick Swing
3. Hoping to find a girl to marry so he and J. Morneau can have a double wedding ("You'll never keep us apart, Krista!")



Boof Bonser
1. Considering changing his name back to John; maybe that will confuse other teams and he can get a ridiculous deal, like Carlos Silva
2. Looking for a new job
3. Yo-yo dieting



Joe Nathan:
1. Thinking of ways to motivate the pitchers next year
2. Twitching
3. Adjusting his hat

Mike Redmond:
1. Something naked
2. Searching for people to cheer for
3. Staying positive, as always






Ron Gardenhire:
1. Looking grumpy

2. Making Ace Hardware commercials

3. Angering umpires in the off season

PuntOptimistic

Nick Punto, you stole my heart

Do you think the Twins will re-sign Punto? I can't imagine life without him. . . the way he is our #2 cheerleader? Gimme a break! We can't let this guy go. With Redmond in tow, we'll always have our cheering section, but Nicky really has a way of slapping teammates on the butt that just can't be replaced.


As a free agent, does Nick Punto stand a chance to get picked up by another team, or would he be destined to play in Japan with Lew Ford? Let's assume Punto gets a new contract. There is still one very important question that remains unanswered for the 2009 season. Which Nick Punto will show up at Spring Training? Nick Punto of 2006/2008, or Nick Punto of 2007? We can't afford the latter.

(courtesy of bat-girl.com)

OR

(courtesy of aarongleeman.com)

Meanwhile, can we talk about Mike Lamb being Punto's father?




It is uncanny. Okay, maybe I'm the only one who sees it, but trust me, it's there. The only thing missing from Mike Lamb is enthusiasm. Nick Punto would love to start a basketball team for guys under 6'0. Speaking of which. . . what ever happened to Fun Facts at Twins games? Can anyone answer this for me? Seriously, a couple of years ago, I had all sorts of random information about the Twins players. Now; nothing. In the 2007 season I learned that Michael Cuddyer likes to bowl, but I haven't seen anything pop up on that big screen since.

Fun Facts throughout the years:

Joe Mauer: Struck out only once during his high school career

Torii Hunter: Really misses his family when he's on the road (is that fun?)

Jason Bartlett: Loves Chipotle

Justin Morneau: Has the #33 tattooed on his shoulder; first car had some weird nickname that I can't remember

Michael Cuddyer: Plays cribbage before games, great magician, loves to bowl

Luis Castillo (or maybe it was Tony Batista): If not for baseball, probably would've gone into teaching

Those are all the facts I remember right now.

It was reported (by the dramatic Jim Souhan) that at Spring Training 2008 Michael Cuddyer handed out t-shirts reading "162 Plus," indicating that he would like to play at least a one game playoff after the regular 162 games of the season. When you're making up a slogan for a t-shirt, you have to anticipate that possible 1 game playoff and act accordingly. Cuddles got exactly 162 + 1 games.

I will make some resolutions for the 2009 Minnesota Twins right now:

1. Bring back the fun facts
2. Don't lose 1-0 against the White Sox; it's embarrassing for all of us
3. 163+

Un-Terrific

Home field advantage for a one game playoff in the AL Central was decided by a coin flip. Do you know that it is a proven fact that this was unfair in my playbook? Why wasn't it the team who had a better record against the team they were playing? The Wild Card spot would go to the team with the better record against their division. The Twins and Sox had identical records against their division. Guess who beat the other team more? The Twins. Out of 18 games vs. CHW this year, the Twins won 10. How can home field be decided by a coin flip? I don't know if playing in the Metrodome would've changed the score, but it would've changed the atmosphere. Perhaps J. Morneau would've been at his best. Perhaps Cuddy could've beaten Griffey's throw. Definitely, Thome's bomb would've gone further.

Did anyone watch the game last night? Un-terrific is the best thing I can say about it. Honestly, I shed a couple of tears. Cal Ripken Jr. announced on TBS that he thought this would be a game ending 8-7. After 5 innings or so, he changed his mind and made the correct prediction that it would end 1-0. It would've been nice if the Twins weren't the 0 in that score.

ESPN proclaimed that they knew from the start that this was a rebuilding year. They cried for us about losing Torii and Johan. Admittedly, it was horrible news to lose those guys. Still, I hope I'm not alone in believing from the beginning of this year that it wasn't a "rebuiding season" for us. As far as I'm concerned, it never is. The Minnesota Twins are constantly a team of "young guys" scattered with very few veteran players.

You know that no one expected the Twins to win. When I say "no one," I'm talking specifically about the commentators on ESPN. When I say "win", I don't just mean last night's game. ESPN didn't expect the Twins to come close. Coming close is what I think everyone who watches Minnesota's professional sports teams expected. Minnesota teams are experts at "coming close".

It cannot be denied that this was a fantastic season. Even if I believed we would at least make it to the playoffs and even if this was based solely on faith and not on any sort of evidence, I remain a believer in the Minnesota Twins. If this has been a rebuilding season, the AL Central is ours next year. Maybe Young will hit bombs like he was supposed to. Maybe Frankie Liriano will keep his composure and maybe Carlos Gomez will stop swinging at every first pitch like a blind spaz. The young guys are veterans now. I'm talking to you, J. Morneau & J. Mauer. Justin, I know you don't like smiling or talking. Joe, I know you don't want to seem anything but humble and modest, but it's time to be heroes. You wasted your chances last night. It has to happen next year.

As an aside, congratulations to J. Mauer on the batting title. Let's face it; 10 A.J. Pierzynskis = 1 Joe Mauer.

You're the best, Joe.