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Do you know who has a better record in baseball than the Twins?

No one, that's who.


And on top of it all, we've clinched the American League Central. What a huge relief that game 163 will be a real playoff game. With luck, the Twins will keep up the good work and stay on top. More to come later. Look how cute these guys are when they win a title:

Adorable.


Go Twins!

ThisClose

*sigh*

First of all, I have bad news for everyone. Denard Span has a girlfriend... I think. If he does, and if it's the girl I'm finding online, her name is Shadonna and you can find her here. I don't even really know what to say about this. All I can really say is that I will likely spend several hours in a dark room crying. 

Meanwhile, the Twins are thisclose to owning the American League Central Division. It could happen as early as tonight. The good news is that there is quite literally no chance that the Twins won't take the AL Central. The bad news is that Joe Mauer is day-to-day with a knee injury. Mauer jammed his left knee and is getting an MRI. Gardenhire says it's probably nothing serious, but I don't think the timing could possibly be worse. However, keep in mind that last year, when Joe started the season on the disabled list, he came back with a vengeance and hit like 4 home runs every at bat. 

What the Hell?

Now is the time where I have to take back something I said in an earlier post. My sincerest apologies to Danny Valencia. I mislabeled you. Well, maybe I just changed my mind, because I pretty much think you're all-star material now. Where have you been all my life? If you can continue to hit the way you've been hitting lately, I think I see a future secret marriage for us. I mean that, Danny - with all of my heart. And now that Denard may not be an option for me, things are looking great for you and I. 


Look how far you've come!

Back in the Rock Cats days

In the Bigs

But also, let's talk about your on-field etiquette... I appreciate that your hand is in the same place I would like my hand to be, but you don't really need to announce that to the entire stadium, Danny. It can be our secret.

Touchy-Feely

Moving on... since it's apparent that the Twins will win their division, the next piece of excitement will come from figuring out who will get home-field advantage. Major League Baseball rules state that 2 teams from the same division cannot play each other in the first round of playoffs, therefore, no matter their records, the Twins will face either the Yankees or the Rays. 

The standings right this second:

The Twins have the second best record in the American League. If the playoffs began today, the Yankees would have home-field advantage. The only way to right this wrong is for the Twins to continue kicking ass for the remaining 12 games and show the American League East that there's a new sheriff in town. His name is Danny Valencia.

An Open Letter

Dear A.J. -


Hey, it's me, Joe... Mauer. Please don't look confused. I know you know who I am. A.J., I'm writing you this letter to tell you some very important things. This isn't just your every day, run-of-the-mill open letter from the best catcher in the history of the major leagues. This is something I hope you'll really take to heart. So, without further ado...


#1. Please stop pretending like you're a better catcher than I am:

Take the above as an example. First, note my excellent swing. You can learn more about that here. Anyway, look at how you're positioned. I think it's well known that: 

    

a). You're not cool when you flip your back pockets out (note: other people are).

b). You're setting up all wrong. Just because I swung through that pitch does not mean you should be so high up in a crouch. Get a clue.

c). Gray is so not your color.

#2. You don't have to be angry all the time:

A.J., I know it's difficult to crack a smile when your team is 9 games behind in the American League Central, but c'mon. You might have some fans out there. Those potential fans might like to see you at least pretend to enjoy what you're doing. Here are some dos and don'ts:

Do!

Don't!

Okay, I don't want to get too hung up on facial expressions with you, A.J. In some sense, we're brothers, right? No, you're right, you're right - we're definitely not brothers at all. Moving on:

#3. You don't have to act like every stolen base is the end of the game:

I've seen you try to throw guys out at 2nd, A.J. Let's be honest about this. It's not pretty. Everyone knows it's not easy to catch a guy trying to steal 2nd base. Furthermore, it's really unnecessary to act like it's the freaking end of the world if a guy breaks up a double play because he stole 2nd base on your arm. Plus, face it, A.J., over the span of your career, you've only thrown out 25% of those stealing bases. Compared to me, Joe Mauer, who has thrown out 36%. 

#4. You'll NEVER be me. No one in Minnesota misses you:

Be real, Pierzynski- when you played in Minnesota, some people liked you. They only liked you because you played on their team, though. From time to time, it's cool to have that badass, angry looking guy on the team. Minnesota fans supported you because they supported the Twins. No one in the clubhouse who I've met has said, "Oh, you know who I miss? A.J." Well, I guess it's been said as a joke, but I don't need to rub that in, do I? Anyway, you'll never be me. While I appreciate the fact that you play with heart, it would really be better if you didn't play with a cold heart. 

Anyway, I guess that's really all I have to say. Also, try to be a little classier, A.J. The fans really appreciate that. Class + Modesty + Be a good baseball player = Not You.


Yours Truly,


Joe Mauer


P.S. You should also try to win some batting titles if you really want people to like you. And, if you hit a home run, stop pretending like it's something that happens all the time. You don't have to be a douche about it.

Holy Shift

Last week, I went to a Twins game at Target Field. It was a match-up between Minnesota and Kansas City. Notably, Francisco Liriano and Brian Bannister. 


While I realize this game happened a week ago, it's important to note, because it was a game where Thome hit another ridiculous bomb. 


Thome was walked his first two at bats. The third at bat, he was hit by a pitch. For each at bat, the Royals outfield looked like this:

Note the shift. No one is playing 3rd base and they seem to have a shortstop between 1st and 2nd.


In Thome's 4th and final at bat of the evening, something special happened: 

Peace out, baseball!

The ball bounced out of the park. That was Jim Thome's 586th home run of his career, and tied him with Frank Robinson for the 8th spot on the all-time home run list. Yay!


Brian Bannister was taken out of the game after 2.2 inning pitched. When something like that happens, I actually feel a little bad for the pitcher. That's so terribly embarrassing. Plus, when you hear everyone cheering because you're failing, that can't be a good feeling. 


Moving on, the Twins ended up winning the game 10-3, but not before Pat Neshek takes the mound, walks two batters, allows a run and has me freaking out that we might blow a 7 run lead in the 9th inning. Regardless, the Twins got the win and everyone went home happy. 


Currently, the Twins have a 6 game lead on CHW. It feels good. Today begins the start of a three-game series against Chicago. I know I did the pitching match-ups the last time these two teams met, but I think it's importat to reevaluate the match-ups we'll be watching these next three games:


Tonight: 7:10pm

Danks is 1-2 with an ERA of 5.71 in his last 3 starts. Liriano is 2-0 with an ERA of 1.71 in his last 3 starts. I like the way that looks.

Tomorrow Night: 7:10pm:

Floyd is 1-2 with an ERA of 3.86 in his last 3 outings. Duensing is 1-0 with an ERA of 1.08. Seriously, things are not looking great for Chicago if you're relying on the numbers.

Game #3, Thursday night: 7:10pm:

Buehrle is 0-0 with a 4.50 ERA in his last 3 outings. Pavano is 1-2 with a 2.74 ERA in his last 3 outings. 

So, as stated previously, things are looking pretty good for the Twins. Let's chat for a second about some things. Remember Matt Fox? Probably not, because he only pitched in one game for the Twins. However, he's gone. He threw 5.2 innings, allowing 2 runs on 4 hits. Now? He's wearing a Red Sox uniform. With all of the changes made to our 5-man rotation this year, I find it really difficult to understand how we're willing to just let him go on waivers. I don't think I'm alone in saying I'd like to have seen a 2nd start for Matt Fox in Minnesota. 

Moving on... do you think Justin Morneau is ever going to play baseball again? This guy has been concussed for like 3.5 years now and as far as I know, he's never coming back. The Injury Update page is telling me he's out indefinitely, but it also says that a return in late September is hopeful. 

Listen, Justin, let's maybe talk for a minute about concussions. I have a story for you. In 2006, I went snow tubing. It was really icy and when I'd made it to the bottom of the hill, I stood up and grabbed my tube. In the meantime, one of the fellows I was there with came barreling down the hill at top speed. He ran right into the back of my legs, causing my entire body to flip in the air. I landed head first on a huge patch of ice. When I got up, everyone around me was all, "Hey are you okay?" and "Wow! That looked like it hurt pretty bad!" and "Whoa! Maybe you should sit down for a minute." 

I was all, "Chill out, everyone. I'm totally cool." 

So, I hopped on the tow rope with my tube and rode back up the hill. When I got to the top of the hill, I turned to a friend and said, "Should I go down on my stomach or my back? What did I do last time?"

He turned to me, gave me a pretty frightened look and said, "I don't know. Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "I just don't remember how I got here. I mean, I remember riding up the hill, but I don't know what happened this morning, or how I got here."

"You hit your head pretty hard," he said. "I'll ride down next to you and we'll get some help."

So, I tubed down the hill and when I got to the bottom I had a panic attack. It was a sea of Where am I? How did I get here? and What the hell is going on? I didn't end up doing any more tubing that day. I actually ended up going to the hospital. However, I didn't stop tubing all together, Justin, and I think that's the part you need to hear. I think I probably missed 2 days of work because of the concussion I got that day. I absolutely did not say, "Listen, I think I'm going to need about 60 days off because I hurt my head." I would've lost my job. 

In conclusion, I think you need to sit down and really analyze what's going on. First of all, 60 days? That's excessive. I realize it's a head injury and those can be somewhat serious. Here's my theory: you're probably busy knocking up the Missus. I'm totally not surprised when I find out in the off-season that Krista Morneau is expecting your first child. Ugh. I thought we had something special, Justin. How you gonna play me like that?

HE thought you had something special, too...

Bad Touch

From time to time, you'll see a game end in a bizarre way. Wild pitch, error, hit by pitch when the bases are loaded, etc.. Yesterday's game ended in very odd fashion. Base Coach Interference. 

The Twins were up 6-2 on the Rangers when the 9th inning started. I was feeling confident we would end the afternoon with a win. All of a sudden, 2 runs score and things are getting scary. With two outs, I found myself sitting on the couch thinking, "What the heck? We can't get ONE more out? Why is this happening?" When Vladimir Guerrero walked to the plate I started to worry a bit. Bases loaded and two outs is a nerve wracking situation. It could go two ways:

Way #1.

Ha ha! You guys got the bases loaded and didn't even score another run. How pathetic.

Way #2. 

Shit. We just lost this game.

Vlad hits a liner that nearly goes up the middle. Hudson fields the ball behind 2nd base. Guzman scores easily from 3rd. Michael Young rounds 3rd and (intentionally or not) slaps the hand of the Rangers' 3rd base coach. Hudson throws to Tolbert at 3rd, where it appears Young has beat the throw back. In fact, it's pretty clear that Young has beaten the throw. Unfortunately, Young is out, because he felt the need to reach out and touch someone. He couldn't resist the urge, or wait until it wouldn't have made him the 3rd out. 

"You're my favorite base coach ever!"

"Inappropriate touching!"

"But we didn't mean it like that, Ump! It was just a love slap!"

"Rules are rules, son! You're outta here!"

"We should've waited to show our affection."

There are always rules in baseball that I forget about. Yesterday's game reminded me of one. Ron Washington, who was injured during the pre-game Legends Game at Target Field yesterday, was not happy about the call. 

"[Marquez] said that Dave reached out and touched him," Washington said. "All you have to do is look at the replay. You certainly shouldn't have a game end like that, as long as we were out there and as hard as we fought to get back. To let that happen ...

"If he calls him out at third base, OK. But to use that as an excuse ..."

An excuse? I'm not entirely sure that abiding by the rules of Major League Baseball would be considered an "excuse," but more as enforcing what Rule 7:09 in the Official Rule Book states, which is that the runner is out if "In the judgment of the umpire, the base coach at third base, or first base, by touching or holding the runner, physically assists him in returning to or leaving third or first base."


Read more of the article here

In fairness, it's not completely clear if Young was grabbing onto the base coach as a means to assist him in returning to or leaving 3rd base. However, Gardy had this to say about the situation:

"They made contact at third base. That's automatic," Gardenhire said, citing replays as evidence. "The umpire has to make a call. If there is contact, he's got to make a call. That's what he did. And they made contact. Unfortunate, yes. It probably didn't help him stop or get back, but contact is contact. And that's what Alfonso called."

Young had this to say about the call: "It was a bad call by a good umpire," Young said. "He said we had contact. I never touched him. The simple fact is he missed the call."

Controversial as it may have been, a win is a win is a win. I'm okay with what happened. And so it stood last night that the Twins continued to have a 3.5 game lead over CHW. Currently, the lead remains at 3.5 games, since CHW won their game against Detroit today (fuck!), though Detroit held a lead early in the game.

Twins and White Sox are both 8-2 in their last 10 games, which makes me pretty pissed off. I'd like to gain at least a couple more games on Chicago before we meet in Chicago next week. 

Meanwhile, one of the best things about writing this blog has been the pictures I've found online when searching for images of players. When looking today for good pictures of Michael Young, I stumbled across some information about a different Michael Young. Designer Michael Young, that is. He is recently know for this handy device: 

The Fight That No One Really Saw

Did you watch the Nationals vs. Marlins game on Wednesday? Probably not. Don't worry - no one else saw the game, either. In fact, there were just over 18,000 people in attendance at the game, and I suspect that is 18,000 in paid attendance, not in actual attendance. And, it's a well-known fact that the Marlins have had issues with their fan showing up.

If you build it, no one will come

Anyway, you probably saw the highlights, or as Nyjer Morgan's mom calls them "Lowlights" and "Embarrassments" and "I raised my son better than that". Chris Volstad was out of his mind that night. He hit three batters, including Morgan which lead up to the incident on Wednesday night where Morgan rushed the mound. An all out benches-clearing brawl ensued.

"I call this one 'Takin' it from Behind'."

Droppin' Gloves

Hugs!

Poor Form

Nyjer Morgan's ability to accurately hit a face is about the same as his ability to hit a baseball this year. Bad aim, Nyjer. Meanwhile, here's a bad idea if you're 6'0" 175lbs: charge the mound where a 6'8" 230lbs. pitcher is waiting for you. He's got 60'6" of preparation. 

Let's be serious for a second, though. Chris Volstad was acting like douchebag that night. You can't just hit 3 guys and expect Nyjer Morgan to stand by idly. If anything, you should be surprised that Nyjer Morgan waited that long to defend his teammates. 

"He whips one behind me and we gotta go," explained Morgan in an interview. I have to say, I totally agree with Morgan on this. When someone whips a fastball at me, I have nothing left to do but throw a poorly aimed fist at their neck. 

Morgan was suspended for 8 games and charged a $15,000 fine. Volstad was suspended for 6 games and charged a $4,000 fine. 

Back to what's really important, though- no one even saw what happened until it was over. How many people do you think actually  watched this game? For sure it was not 18,000. I would never, ever believe that by looking at the stands. Seriously Marlins fans, get your shit together. I shouldn't be so harsh. I recall going to Twins games in September of 2005 and seeing something similar to this: 

No one showed up for the party

The thing about baseball is that you have to play like there are 50,000 people in the stands. That's what Nyjer Morgan did, and that's why I sort of love him. He put on a show. Don't misunderstand me, because I don't condone riot-like violence. I do, however, condone organized violence. I think it's safe to say that no one was going to really get hurt. Morgan just wanted to get his point across, and he did. His point was clearly, "If you fucking hit me, I will fucking pretend that I can hit you."

Nationals manager Jim Riggleman  stated clearly that he's not terribly concerned with Morgan's behavior. In fact, he seems to be fairly supportive of what happened on Wednesday. 

"They told me, 'Naw, it's over,' " Riggleman said in the quiet of his clubhouse office. "Well, when they throw at him a second time, then it's not over."

Hi Mom!

Don't Hate! Appreciate.

I think everyone can learn a lesson about what happened on September 1, 2010. I'm not entirely sure what that lesson would be, but I bet it's a good one.

On a mostly unrelated note, Nyjer Morgan has been known to refer to himself as Tony Plush, which he considers to be a "gentleman's name".