Young Mr. Young

I've spent a lot of time hating Delmon Young. He has thrown bats at umpires, missed fly balls that my grandmother could catch and he has a really hard time shutting his mouth. No, I mean seriously - it's not that he just talks a lot. It's that he cannot seem to shut his mouth all the way, which I'm sure makes for a lot of sore throats. 

Delmon Young, and I'm hesitant to say this because I have trust issues, is growing on me. Sure, he's hitting the ball like he's getting paid a ton of money to play baseball, but the real reason Delmon Young is growing on me is this: 


You Can't Fix Ugly


In a nutshell:

Ha ha.

Your mom says "Hi."

So does your sister...

And your wife.

Dear Delmon,

I'm pretty impressed with you. I have to be honest- I've talked mad shit  about you over the past several years. In fact, it's safe to say I actually fucking hated you. It seems that things have changed, and I just hope it's for good. 

While I'm sorry that you and I will never be secretly married, I have to tell you that there have been several things this year that I've really appreciated from you. Okay, that's not even that true. What I appreciate from you this year is that your fucking owned  A.J. and I just can't get enough of that. Thank you.

   

SEASON▲	TEAM	G	AB	R	H	TB	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	IBB	SO	SB	CS	AVG
2006	TB	30	126	16	40	60	9	1	3	10	1	0	24	2	2	.317
2007	TB	162	645	65	186	263	38	0	13	93	26	2	127	10	3	.288
2008	MIN	152	575	80	167	233	28	4	10	69	35	7	105	14	5	.290
2009	MIN	108	395	50	112	168	16	2	12	60	12	1	92	2	5	.284
2010	MIN	115	424	59	134	217	36	1	15	88	19	3	48	4	3	.316
CAREER		567	2165	270	639	941	127	8	53	320	93	13	396	32	18	.295

P.S. Dear White Sox, 

Remember this guy?

He's ours now, assholes. Have fun with A.J. and his dyed hair.

An Ode to A.J.

Other catchers hate you.

Get a grip, A.J.

This never gets old.

Your own team hates you.

Someone has you pegged, Pierzynski.

Once a nerd, always a nerd.

Even robots hate you.

James Shields photoshop hates you.

Hahahaha- You dumb son of a bitch. 

Twins win: 7-6.

63-49

63-49 = Records for CHW & MIN. 

Tied. Shall we take a look at this 3 game match up? 

Game one: Tonight @ 7:10 (Central Time)

Twins @ Chicago

(Suck it, Freddy)

Scott Baker against Freddy Garcia. Hmmmm.... Scott Baker is rocking a 5.77 ERA vs. Chicago. Freddy Garcia is rocking a 3.73 ERA vs. the Good Guys. Baker has gone 4-5 with a 4.92 ERA in his last 10 outings while Garcia has gone 5-1 with a 4.14 ERA in his last 10 outings, including a no decision against the Twins. 

Game two: Wednesday @ 7:10 (Central Time)

Twins @ Chicago

(Boyfriends)

Glen Perkins against John Danks. Perkins is.... wait, what the fuck? Glen Perkins? I'm sorry. I think I must have just looked at the probable pitchers from 2009. No, no, I read right. Glen Perkins is set to make his first start of the year tomorrow night. Maybe I'm remembering wrong, but it was my understanding that Glen Perkins: a). Hates the Twins; b). Is hated by the Twins & c). I honestly didn't even think he was still on the 40-man roster. So, this is all I could dig up about recent G.P. news.... "I'm no dummy"

Anyway, last year Perkins went 6-7 over 17 starts with a 5.89 ERA. Not exactly something you'd want to write home about. In 2008, he went 12-4 over 26 starts with a (slightly) more respectable 4.41 ERA. As far as Danks? He's 6-3 with a 3.33 ERA over his last 10 starts, including a win over Minnesota. Keep in mind, however, that he gave up 6 earned runs in that game against Minnesota. Something was clearly going terribly wrong with our defense that we weren't able to win that game. 

I'm not entirely sure what we should expect from Glen Perkins, but I suppose it should be interesting. Here's hoping Danks gives up 6 earned runs tomorrow.

Game three: Thursday @ 7:10 (Central Time)

Twins @ Chicago

(Sketch Artist's Depiction)

                                                                    


                                                    Francisco Liriano against Gavin Floyd. Liriano is 4-4 over his last 10 starts with a 3.90 ERA, including a win over Chicago where he allowed 2 earned runs and got 8 strikeouts over 7.2 innings pitched. Floyd is 6-1 with a 1.10 ERA over his last 10 starts, including a loss against the Twins where he allowed 1 earned run over 5 innings. 


This entire series will have excellent match ups. Obviously, based on his last 10 outings, Floyd is a force to be reckoned with. Don't let that scare you, boys. Frank is all over that shit. 

And now onto some lighter stuff...

The Quotable Ozzie Guillen (From The Onion)

The colorful White Sox manager is in the spotlight for comments about supposed favoritism toward Asian players, but it isn't the first time he's had something to say.

• 2006: "I very much love the people and the fans of Chicago, because they pay me very much to play a baseball manager in Chicago, even though I very much hate the people and fans in Chicago"
• 2006: "I don't give shit about the home-field advantages for the World Series. You know what I care about? Where the fuck is the Smash Mouth? Why aren't they here for singing the 'All Star' song? I love that shit"
• 2007: "I love Dustin Pedroia. He is very good hitter. And he has a strong back, so he could be climbed up on and I sit on his shoulders and ride around on him like riding a little horse that loves me and eats apples and I have to pitch around because he is a good hitter"
• 2008: "I never say one bad thing about those stupid fucking Cubs fans. Not a single word about those mother-shitting pieces of fuck"
• 2008: "If we win the World Series, I will quit baseball and run for mayor mostly on a campaign platform of minimizing the city's budget, while still raising revenues with strategic tax plan for Chicago businesses"
• 2009: "Wrigley Field makes me puke. When I eat a little bit of the ivy on the wall it make me puke barf everywhere"
• 2010: It's not the fair for Japanese players have the interpreter. I want the interpreter so I can understand what the fuck it is I am talk about"

Bag of Balls

Torii did what?! Listen, I know that has absolutely nothing to do with the Twins, but it's definitely worth noting. And seeing as Torii was my first ever secret-baseball-husband, I felt the need to include it.


Moving on.... Let's recap!


The Twins are 7-3 in their last 10 games and are now only .5 games behind CHW. Our boy J. Morneau is still out, but the rest of the boys are picking up the slack. Let's talk for a second about these 2 fellas... 

I'm talking, of course, about Danny Valencia & Jason Repko. 


First of all, Valencia is batting .333 in 132 at bats this year. This guy is stellar, as of yet. I mean, I don't think I'd go as far as to say that he's all-star material, but let's face it- we need someone like him in the infield. As much as I absolutely love Nick Punto, we all know he's not exactly an offensive threat. He probably never will be. Ever since we lost our boy Koskie, we've desperately needed help at 3rd. Maybe Valencia will be our full time replacement of Punto/Crede/Koskie/MyMom. 


Dear Danny Valencia- 


You're younger than I am. Our batting averages are similar, except that yours is relevant in Major League Baseball and mine is relevant in a co-ed kickball league. Still, we share a lot of the same loves; The Minnesota Twins, high socks, 3rd base... I think you know where I'm going with this. Point being, keep up the good work. I like you.


And then, when I'm not even paying attention - Jason Repko appears out of nowhere. Who are you? I know, I know, I started asking this question like 2 months ago when he made his debut with the Twins, but I'm still not quite sure where he came from. 


Dear Jason Repko-


You hit like absolute shit with the Dodgers and then you come here and BAM!- 3 HR in 51 at bats. You're averaging .314 with us this year, and I'm pretty freaking impressed. Not to mention, this catch; totally reminding me of sweet, sweet, Torii Hunter. Let me just say that I really appreciate you helping out while our entire roster is a complete cluster. I like you, too.


We're more than 2/3 through with the 2010 season and things are getting heated in the American League Central. Next up, a 3 game series with the White Sox. It's going to be incredibly satisfying to see A.J. get his Pierzynski kicked. I hate you A.J. I really, really do.





I think that about sums it up for now.