On being drunk:
“I've got two people here that drive me crazy. They are all over me, and I'm like 'Shut up, you drunk.' It's easy to make moves when you're drunk.”
On putting up a front:
“You know what's tough; when I'm driving here and I think, 'God, I have to be Ozzie today,' and you don't feel like it, ... [Maybe] we've lost three games in a row, four in a row, and I have to show up, open that door and put a smile on my face and pat those guys on the butt and joke around when I'm dying inside. That's not easy."
On talking shit about his own team:
“(McCarthy) was the only good thing I saw tonight. I don't want to talk about how I feel about my team because I might say something you guys or my team don't want to hear.”
On being bat-shit crazy:
“The Venezuelan people who know me don't feel proud because we're winning, ... They're proud because they go, `How can this crazy man be the leader of a team?'”
On having faith in his players:
“Uribe can't hit a guy who throws junk. And then he hits a triple against the toughest pitcher in baseball.”
On money management:
"I'm not a quitter. When I want to quit, I'll do a lot of stupid things and make sure they fire me and get paid."
It was surprisingly difficult to find good Ozzie quotes. If anyone knows of any other (real) Ozzie quotes, let me know, because I thoroughly enjoy making fun of him.